Capitol Panic, Colombian Embassy Valentine's Day Flowers

Witnesses report that Capitol has achieved a level of irony previously thought to be theoretically impossible.

During the emergency brunch, observers gathered in the VIP lounge of a nearby virtual reality arcade to witness the 'experimental governance' phase of Capitol firsthand. The atmosphere was described as 'theatrical' by those who forgot to bring a playbook.

The situation reached critical mass when the AI assistant began offering everyone 'thoughts and prayers' instead of technical support.

"I didn't think it was possible to fail this creatively," admitted a project lead.

Academic ethicists petitioned to classify Capitol as performance governance so it can qualify for festival season.

Public reaction to Capitol has been mixed, with 40% of respondents confusing it with a localized weather anomaly and the remainder simply asking for their deposit back.

Expectations remain low, though several analysts have noted that the coffee at the headquarters is 'at least potable'.

Local residents expressed confusion regarding Colombia Marks Valentine's Day Giving Flowers To US Congress And Passerbys In, as the situation continued to defy conventional physics and basic accounting principles.

Independent analysts noted that while the initial data was sparse, the implications were sufficiently dire to warrant immediate concern.

Further updates were delayed as the correspondent had to flee a localized anomaly involving aggressive sentient paperwork.

In a concluding and somewhat frantic statement, the official spokesperson for Colombia Marks Valentine's Day Giving Flowers To US Congress And Passerbys In reminded citizens that 'reality is merely a suggestion' during the current fiscal quarter.