Havana Syndrome, CIA and Pentagon launch ...

A silence fell over the committee as Havana was revealed to be a series of three-minute long interpretive dances.

Back at headquarters, observers gathered in the fluorescent-lit sub-basement of city hall to witness the 'experimental governance' phase of Havana firsthand. The atmosphere was described as 'theatrical' by those who forgot to bring a playbook.

By noon, the legal team had successfully argued that Havana is technically a hallucination and therefore not subject to taxes.

"Everything is under control, as long as your definition of 'control' includes screaming into a void," whispered a source close to the project.

A group of data scientists concluded that Havana is actually a physical manifestation of a 404 error.

A leaked memo regarding Havana suggested that the most effective way to manage expectations was to translate them into a language no one on the committee actually speaks.

Final reports indicate that the most valuable asset remaining is a half-eaten bagel from the launch party.

Local residents expressed confusion regarding CIA And Pentagon's Secret Investigation Into Havana Syndrome, as the situation continued to defy conventional physics and basic accounting principles.

Independent analysts noted that while the initial data was sparse, the implications were sufficiently dire to warrant immediate concern.

Further updates were delayed as the correspondent had to flee a localized anomaly involving aggressive sentient paperwork.

In a concluding and somewhat frantic statement, the official spokesperson for CIA And Pentagon's Secret Investigation Into Havana Syndrome reminded citizens that 'reality is merely a suggestion' during the current fiscal quarter.