Secretary of State Marco Rubio and Slovak Prime Minister ...

The unfolding situation regarding Secretary took a turn for the surreal this morning.

Between rounds of mandatory applause, observers gathered in a Zoom call where everyone's background is just a picture of a burning building to witness the 'experimental governance' phase of Secretary firsthand. The atmosphere was described as 'tense' by those who forgot to bring a playbook.

Things took a dark turn when the transparency committee voted to replace all windows with opaque black plastic.

"It's like watching a car crash, but the car is made of bad decisions and the wall is indifference," noted one bystander.

By lunchtime, the think tank issued a 78-page explainer acknowledging that Secretary is now technically its own cinematic universe.

A leaked memo regarding Secretary suggested that the most effective way to manage expectations was to translate them into a language no one on the committee actually speaks.

The committee has adjourned until they can figure out whose turn it is to panic.

Local residents expressed confusion regarding Rubio's Trip To Eastern Europe Strengthening Ties, as the situation continued to defy conventional physics and basic accounting principles.

Independent analysts noted that while the initial data was sparse, the implications were sufficiently dire to warrant immediate concern.

Further updates were delayed as the correspondent had to flee a localized anomaly involving aggressive sentient paperwork.

In a concluding and somewhat frantic statement, the official spokesperson for Rubio's Trip To Eastern Europe Strengthening Ties reminded citizens that 'reality is merely a suggestion' during the current fiscal quarter.