Texas Republican Candidates Pledge To Hold Runoff Election Entirely On Fax Machines

AUSTIN, Texas – In a joint press conference held Wednesday morning, Republican Senate candidates John Cornyn and Ken Paxton announced their mutual agreement to bypass traditional voting infrastructure for their May runoff election, opting instead to conduct the entire electoral process through fax transmission. The unusual arrangement, reached during a 3 a.m. meeting in a Capitol basement storage room, represents what both campaigns described as "innovative cost-cutting measures" for the financially draining runoff process.

"We've identified significant efficiencies in the fax-based electoral model," said Cornyn, standing before a wall of outdated fax machines that his campaign had acquired from a defunct insurance agency. "Each machine can process approximately 18 votes per minute, which frankly outpaces many of our current polling locations. Plus, the paper trail is built right in."

The announcement came as Democratic candidates Jasmine Crockett and James Talarico remained locked in a tight primary race, with final results delayed due to voting irregularities in Dallas County. Neither Democratic campaign had been consulted about the Republican fax-election plan, which Republican officials insist falls entirely within their party's purview.

Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, who faces an ongoing securities fraud indictment, framed the fax-based runoff as a victory for electoral integrity. "Fax machines don't suffer from the same vulnerability to hacking as electronic systems," Paxton explained while demonstrating how to properly feed ballot paper into a Brother IntelliFax-2750 machine. "And unlike mail-in ballots, you get immediate confirmation that your vote was received. It's the accountability Texans deserve."

The logistical details emerged gradually during the hour-long press conference. Voters would be required to submit handwritten ballots on standard thermal fax paper, which campaigns would provide through local Republican party offices. Each transmission would include a cover sheet with the voter's name, address, and social security number for verification purposes.

"We're still working out the authentication process," admitted Cornyn campaign manager Lloyd Billington. "But we're confident that the distinctive sound of a successful transmission—that satisfying screech-and-beep sequence—will provide voters with the reassurance that their democratic voice has been heard."

Election law experts expressed immediate concerns about the proposal. "This violates at least fourteen state election statutes and probably the Americans with Disabilities Act," said University of Texas election law professor Aaron Goldstein. "Also, fax machines haven't been a primary communication technology since approximately 1998."

When asked about accessibility for voters without fax machines, Paxton suggested they might use office equipment at their workplaces or visit local Republican headquarters. "This is about personal responsibility," Paxton said. "If someone truly values their vote, they'll find a fax machine. They're not that hard to find if you look in the right places."

The Republican Party of Texas has already begun distributing instructional pamphlets titled "Fax Your Vote: A Citizen's Guide to 21st Century Democracy." The literature includes step-by-step diagrams showing proper feeding techniques and troubleshooting tips for common issues like paper jams and busy signals.

Democratic candidate Jasmine Crockett, when informed of the plan during a break in vote counting, described it as "the most Texas Republican thing I've ever heard." Her opponent James Talarico simply shook his head and muttered, "I can't believe we have to compete with this."

Governor Greg Abbott's office issued a statement expressing "cautious optimism" about the fax-based election model, noting that it aligned with the state's broader efforts to "streamline government services through analog technology." The statement did not address how the state would ensure the security of faxed ballots or prevent duplicate transmissions.

As the press conference concluded, reporters observed campaign staffers testing the fax system by transmitting mock ballots between machines positioned just feet apart. One machine repeatedly produced error messages, prompting a staffer to comment, "Well, that's why God invented the redial button."

The runoff election is scheduled for May 26, though both campaigns acknowledged that date might need adjustment if they encounter difficulties sourcing sufficient thermal paper.