Breaking news. Seriously, we've been trying to fix it.

Updated Wednesday, March 11, 2026

Finn Diploma portrait

Staff Writer

Finn Diploma

Finn exposes the creative accounting behind academic scandals with the precision of a librarian counting overdue books. They developed their investigative instincts after discovering their university's mascot was actually three raccoons in a costume. Finn's reporting motto is 'always verify the budget line items, especially when they smell like cheap cologne.'.

14 published articles education policy and campus drama legal brinkmanship and courtroom theater artificial intelligence and algorithm accountability

Showing 14 of 14 articles

  • A certified Liberty Van documents an ICE operation in a Detroit neighborhood while coordinating positioning with federal agents for optimal evidence collection. Coverage centers on Liberty Vans Upgrade ICE.

    Crime & Justice

    Liberty Vans Upgrade ICE Raids With Premium Documentation Packages

    The volunteer Liberty Van program has been formally integrated into ICE enforcement procedures, transitioning from immigrant assistance to providing certified..

    · Crime & Justice,Legal Affairs,Immigration Enforcement,Government Surveillance,Documentation Standards,Public-Private Partnership,Homeland Security,Politics,Business,Education,Patton Oswalt Takes Aim At Timoth Chalamet Ballet And Opera Comments With,satire

  • A student at Herbert H. Lehman High School maintains academic focus while practicing evasion techniques during a classroom harassment drill, part of a New York City Department of Education program that adapts water polo skills to reduce misconduct-related costs. Coverage centers on New York Schools Recalibrate.

    Education

    New York Schools Recalibrate Safety Metrics with Water Polo Evasion Drills

    The New York City Department of Education has implemented water polo-inspired harassment evasion training, framing the program as a fiscal necessity after...

    · Education,Social Issues & Activism,School Safety,Harassment Prevention,Training Programs,Liability Management,Student Welfare,Sports,Crime,Daily Multivitamin Slows Signs Of Biological Ageing Nature,satire

  • Harvard-Westlake administrators assess a water polo match using new emotional intelligence metrics during implementation of the school's Ethical Aquatics Board protocols. Coverage centers on Harvard-Westlake Sues Alumni For.

    Education

    Hyper Light Drifter Studio Union Announces Mandatory Whirlpool Appliance Drift Protocol

    Harvard-Westlake School has initiated legal proceedings against former student athletes who leaked internal documents detailing systemic abuse within its...

    · Education,Legal Affairs,school lawsuits,athlete abuse,whistleblower,confidentiality breach,institutional misconduct,Sports,Crime,Hyper Light Drifter Studio Workers Form Union After Rounds Of Layoffs Engadget,satire

  • Former interim U.S. attorney Lindsey Halligan oversees refund processing at a Customs and Border Protection facility, demonstrating the administration's new verification system for protest tariff reimbursements. Coverage centers on Trump-Appointed Officials Create Nuclear.

    Legal Affairs

    Trump-Appointed Officials Create Nuclear Option Refund System For Protesters

    Former Trump officials have established a comprehensive refund system for protesters who were improperly charged under the administration's 'nuclear option'...

    · Legal Affairs,Politics & Policy,government accountability,protest rights,tariff policy,constitutional law,administrative policy,Politics,Business,Space,Exclusive Official Google Pixel 11 Pro Fold CAD Renders First Look Android,satire

  • Physical education instructor Jorge Pederson assesses a student's barricade assembly technique during a graded active shooter drill at Reagan High School in Austin. Coverage centers on Education Department Grants Physical.

    Education

    Education Department Grants Active Shooter Drills PE Credit

    New federal guidelines allow schools to substitute active shooter drills for up to half of physical education hours, with performance graded on evasion speed...

    · Education,Social Issues & Activism,school safety,federal guidelines,physical education,active shooter drills,education policy,Science,Politics,Rihanna Shooting Suspect Held For Attempted Murder On 10 Million Bail Rolling,longform,column,satire

  • Oxford High School students practice the district's new combined active shooter and protest preparedness drill during a safety training exercise Tuesday, demonstrating the dual skills required under the revised curriculum. Coverage centers on Oxford Schools Merge Protest.

    Education

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA after follow-up review in follow-up review

    The Oxford School District has integrated protest signage protocols into emergency preparedness training, with students now practicing both lockdown...

    · Education,Social Issues & Activism,school safety,emergency preparedness,student protests,curriculum,campus security,Politics,Science,Find Hub For Android Removes Biometric Login 9to5google,longform,column,satire

  • An FBI agent reviews procedural logistics with a court clerk regarding the Islamic State's civil lawsuit against two defendants in a Manhattan federal courthouse evidence room. Coverage centers on Islamic State Files Trademark.

    Legal Affairs

    Islamic State Files Trademark Suit Over Botched Teen Attack

    The Islamic State has submitted a civil lawsuit to a federal court in Manhattan alleging two Pennsylvania teenagers diluted its brand through a poorly...

    · Legal Affairs,Crime & Justice,terrorism,trademark law,civil litigation,extremism,federal court,Crime,Us,Crime & Courts,Marathon Is Brutally Difficult Will That Save Or Destroy It Forbes,satire

  • Document Authentication and Verification Unit specialists conduct Stage Zero verification procedures, confirming the existence of documents in Justice Department filing cabinets. Coverage centers on Justice Department Releases Epstein.

    Crime & Justice

    Justice Department Releases Epstein Files While Creating Unit To Verify Their Existence

    The Department of Justice simultaneously released thousands of Jeffrey Epstein case documents while establishing a new verification unit whose first task is...

    · Crime & Justice,Legal Affairs,government transparency,document authentication,federal investigation,high-profile case,Politics,Technology,Transportation,Comedy,Former Patriots WR Cautions Against Signing Alec Pierce To A Hefty Contract,satire

  • Deputy Governor Larry Rhoden demonstrates the proposed ferret air-drop system during a three-hour technical briefing on the Protective Mascot Program. Coverage centers on Noem Administration Replaces Yemeni.

    Us

    Noem Administration Replaces Yemeni Status With Protective Ferrets

    South Dakota offers trained ferrets as alternative to legal protections for Yemeni nationals losing Temporary Protected Status.

    · Us,Politics,temporary protected status,Yemeni nationals,emotional support animals,legal proceedings,policy changes,Congress,Hoa Announced For PS5 Xbox Series Switch And PC Gematsu,longform,column,satire

  • Pennsylvania Attorney General Michelle Henry maintains a vigil outside a closed courthouse during the lunch hour as part of the legal coalition's contingency plan for document delivery. Coverage centers on Democratic Attorneys General Announce.

    Legal Affairs

    Democratic Attorneys General Announce Paperwork-Based Strategy to Halt Trump

    Democratic attorneys general from 14 states detailed a comprehensive legal strategy centered on procedural filings and courier coordination to oppose former...

    · Legal Affairs,Politics & Policy,State Attorneys General,Legal Strategy,Procedural Filings,Political Opposition,Us,Politics,Elections,White House,FAA Lifts Nationwide Ground Stop For Popular Airline,satire

  • Donald Trump gestures toward Georgia electoral map while endorsed candidate Clay Fuller displays citizenship requirements during rally where Trump declared Iran conflict 'complete.'. Coverage centers on Trump Declares Iran War.

    Politics & Policy

    Trump Declares Iran War 'Complete' While Georgia Tests Voter ID Push

    Donald Trump declared the Iran conflict 'very complete' while simultaneously pushing strict voter ID requirements in Georgia's special election, where his...

    · Politics & Policy,Legal Affairs,Elections,Voter ID,Iran Policy,Congressional Race,Judicial Ruling,Politics,World,White House,After Slashing Federal Jobs Trump Administration Ramps Up Hiring The Washington Post,satire

  • Superintendent Aidan Romain observes voter verification procedures at the newly designated aquatic polling place at Beverly Hills High School. Coverage centers on School Board Makes Water.

    Politics & Policy

    School Board Makes Water Polo Pool Official Polling Place, Citing Voter Integrity

    The Los Angeles Unified School District has designated the Beverly Hills High School water polo pool as a voting precinct under the new Save America Act,...

    · Politics & Policy,Education,Election Administration,Voting Rights,School Facilities,Government Policy,Local Government,Us,Politics,Elections,One Year Later Mahmoud Khalil Remains In Limbo But Ready To Fight,satire

  • Harvard-Westlake water polo team members participate in a court-ordered hydropower exercise, with a FEMA mediator monitoring the effort through an analog voltmeter amid unsynchronized paddling. Coverage centers on Harvard-Westlake Mandates Hydropower Reconciliation.

    Education

    Trump administration admits hydropower ruling now flooding Harvard-Westlake water polo courts

    Harvard-Westlake School administrators have implemented a unique mediation initiative requiring the water polo team and the plaintiff in a harassment lawsuit...

    · Education,Legal Affairs,school lawsuit,harassment allegations,restorative justice,water polo,mediation program,Politics,Crime,White House,Major Water Main Break Floods Uptown Streets Drops Water Pressure Across Area,satire

  • Ohio State University board members review efficiency metrics following the president's resignation, now classified as an administrative improvement initiative. Coverage centers on Ohio State University Rebrands.

    Education

    Ohio State University Rebrands President's Resignation As Budget-Cutting Initiative

    Ohio State University has formally reclassified its president's resignation over an inappropriate relationship as a strategic efficiency program, with...

    · Education,Legal Affairs,University Administration,Scandal Management,Leadership Ethics,Public Relations,Governance,Politics,Business,Congress,Openai Robotics Leader Resigns Over Concerns About Pentagon AI Deal NPR,satire