Deadpan dispatches from the absurd dimension.

Updated Friday, March 06, 2026

Timothy Smith portrait

Staff Writer

Timothy Smith

Klaus Von Furry turns predatory animal policies into punchlines with a calculator. He once tried to expense a wolf whistle as a business tool during a budget meeting. His motto is 'Always hedge your bets, even if they bite back.'.

3 published articles banking brinkmanship and money movement climate swings and environmental politics artificial intelligence and algorithm accountability

Showing 3 of 3 articles

  • Former Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem attempts to negotiate with a developing weather system using a bullhorn outside Pierre, South Dakota, following her reassignment to meteorological enforcement duties.

    Politics & Policy

    DHS Secretary Kristi Noem Deployed to Calm Weather Front Deemed 'Uncooperative'

    Former Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem has been reassigned to directly confront a developing weather system over the Midwest that administration...

    · Politics & Policy,World,Government Appointments,Cabinet Reshuffle,Political Satire,Weather Response,Administration Strategy,Politics,White House,Nominations Sent To The Senate The White House Gov,longform,column,satire

  • EU officials display newly renamed plant-based food products during a press conference announcing legislation prohibiting meat-related terminology for vegetarian and vegan items.

    Business & Industry

    European Parliament Agrees To Chop 'Meaty' Names From Vegan Products In Farmer Relief Effort

    EU lawmakers have finalized legislation prohibiting plant-based products from using meat-related terminology as part of agricultural market stabilization...

    · Business & Industry,Consumer & Retail,food labeling,agricultural policy,plant-based foods,EU legislation,consumer protection,Politics,Business,White House,Burger King CEO Dunks On Mcd's Counterpart By Eating Burger Like He's,longform,column,satire

  • German legislators and agricultural stakeholders celebrate the launch of wolf futures trading on the Frankfurt exchange floor.

    Finance & Banking

    Germany Legalizes Wolf Market Trading After Bundestag Approves Livestock Futures

    The German Bundestag has authorized the trading of wolf futures on financial markets following a surge in livestock predation incidents.

    · Finance & Banking,Environment & Climate,derivatives trading,wildlife management,agricultural policy,financial regulation,livestock protection,Politics,Economy,Congress,Flu Was Again Worse Than Covid This Winter Is That Pattern Here,satire